frustrations, anger and disappointments out on you-regardless of who or what has triggered them! It's genuine closeness they can't handle. Don't take this stuff personally. People have told me that they just want to return to the 'good life' they had before they met their Borderline. Watching their physical wounds heal, gives them a glimmer of hope that other types of trauma may ultimately subside as well. Repression always magnifies emotions, and acting-out behaviors are greatly amplified under these conditions, kind of like little earth tremors actually save us from destructive earthquakes. This is when you must take inventory of all the chaos and torment you were subjected to during the last go-round.
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Hence, there's virtually no down time, or opportunity to reunite in a way that restores warmth, trust and emotional safety-and tension becomes your constant companion. In my opinion, BPD is the broad umbrella under which other issues usually sit; Attachment Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders, etc. Your disbelief about the BPD issues is understandable. Ironically, it's perfectly acceptable for them to do the Mattress Mambo with as many casual partners as they wish-but heaven help you, if you draw outside the lines just one tiny bit; the seismic reaction will be one you'll never live down. You may have tried to initiate dialogues to help you gain some understanding about their swift exit, and mitigate the shame you're feeling after being abruptly discarded. Make a list of their torturous, confusing, ugly behaviors and stick it on your bathroom mirror and refrigerator, so you'll read it at least once a day. Internet worms can show up in a harmless email, but when you open it, you're infected. We have a hard time giving our energy/attention to various other demands, while there's discord with our lover. Luckily for you this can mean no harm, no foul. In simple terms, your early life experiences conditioned you to accommodate and normalize these kinds of relational dynamics, and they feel completely natural-because on some level, they're familiar.
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